Monday, September 14, 2009

No fun

Till now I always tried to ignore the fact that I have a disease. You may think that's impossible but no. I don't know how it is with you, reader of this blog: When I sit in front of TV, read a book, talk to friends, make music, I forget the world around me and I forget my disease. No problem. Moments like that are very often every day.

But yesterday I just coud not use my legs. Getting from one chair into an other: O help I was afraid to fall on the floor. Going to the bahtroom: first I am afraid to fall on the floor. Then I have to stand up again to pull my pants up, again I almost fall. I have to balance on my right foot. My left leg just does nog want to support me. I can't pull up my pant. Husband has to come and help me. But he is not quick enough: help! I almost fall. O.k. I did not fall. Now I must step from toilet into wheelchair. Difficult. Be careful not to fall. I am afraid again.

After a few of those moments it just hits me: I want to stop with this disease, it's no fun anymore. And than all of a sudden I realise: there is no exit in this disease except the one exit I don't want to take. There is no escape. So now you all know, why I had a difficult day yesterday.

But then: one HAS to go one whith life. So just like someone running the marathon: if you're in pain and think you can't go on running, just clench your teeth, ignore the pain and keep on running. You have to if you want to be in the game. So today I just took myself up. I went to my work, I went shopping and to physical therapy. I am in the race again. Please run a bit together with me.

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1 comment:

  1. Falling is the most difficult, revolting and disheartening part of ALS. We have no choice but to get up and carry on. Good attitude Lianne, keep on keeping on!